Scraped across the foam

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us The last couple of weeks, I've been thinking; what do I want to do with this place? I mean, I've gotten into a pretty steady flow of posting photographs and music, I find, but still I'm not where I want to be. I know that this is probably only of importance to me, but I do so long to make this blog, this little posting place of mine, as beautiful as can be. In actuality on a "higher" level, this is of importance to everyone. I guess most people try to or have the longing for making their lives more beautiful. I know I always have. Even when I'm alone sometimes I find myself trying to keep/make my hand gestures more beautiful, or the way I make my breakfast or drink water or the way I dress (in this particular case I'm not talking about the actual final result, but the specific act of getting dressed). Not always of course, but often, I try to think of what I do and how I do it as if I were in a beautiful movie or staring out into the beautiful, deep blue sea. Essentially I would want my life to be as beautiful as a Bon Iver song. 

Now that I've described my small-huge efforts to beautify everything, you might understand why I would want this place to be beautiful as well. Whoever this may reach, may it be only me or some few of those who check in here now and then, I now have this as my goal. To describe exactly what I mean, I will say this; there are many things I like, and many things I find beautiful and agreeable, many things I could in some ways want to post. But... I'm finding it to be too easy almost, to just post everything I like and be done with it. I want to introduce a certain mindfulness to this place, to my posts. I say mindfulness in the sense of wanting to be more careful about what I post and how I write what I write. I don't want to have it that easy. I want to struggle to make this place what I think it can be, that is - again - for me. I know in my heart that I can put more heart into what I write here and what I do here and that whatever it may mean or become to mean to me, or even someone else out there, that I actually have the ability to extend my efforts of making all things beautiful to this blog.

I am not saying in anyway that this will happen overnight, because it certainly won't. I just wanted to have said it here, so it becomes more real, so it becomes more of a promise to me and to this blog, so that I actually have to do it. If I make such efforts here, it will just add to the equilibrium of my life, and if I can go that far... my happiness? All I can say is that I will try, and I will try because I really, really want to start doing more things outside of myself. Small steps, small steps... 

The photo is a slightly edited screen cap from The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

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